Search optimization: are we all in together? or are some of us just pawns in a greater game?

When I read about the algorithms, strategic keywords, links, and searches that develop the best and most sought out websites to present to me... half of me is thinking- great! I get the most applicable sites that are vetted from the most knowledgeable sources to produce a product of service for the applicable audience. The other half of me is thinking, I am a consumer of what is a pre-conceived product I have no choice in. Paying attention to the latter is the part of me that thinks I don't have a choice- the choices are made for me.
To elaborate- how much of what I see in digital marketing is because of what I am saying to the 'internet' by choice and how much of it is produced from things out of my control? What are the lines between thoughtful, applicable marketing based on my preferences/searches and how much of it is being produced by things I don't even know I am searching and sharing? More often than not, lately I find myself feeling like I have a big brother listening to my every conversation. I hate that feeling. To be honest- I love having curated sponsored ads on Instagram, catered to my searches or thoughtful to the types of accounts I follow. I get it, I am a demographic, a consumer, a 'type'. But I also feel that I am constantly being listened in on, tracked, and followed without a choice. For example: I recall walking with a friend after dinner discussing the popular drink 'aperol spritz's' which before 2012 was an Italian native drink no-one in the US was following. After discussing the drink, not two minutes later I saw an ad on Instagram. I never searched it in google, I never tried to follow on Instagram, yet there it was! How was my phone intelligent enough to know that every year, moment, second before this conversation was mute but after discussing this BOOM it appeared? I feel as though digital marketing is crossing the boundaries of thoughtful marketing to 'big brother' and I worry for when we become bots of purchasing instead of humans.